My cat is my God

Feline deity,
Capricious, divine being,
Worshiped with tuna.

Whiskers is not merely a cat; he is a deity, a capricious, feline god. His demands are as arbitrary as the weather, his moods as changeable as the tides. To worship at his altar is to embrace a life of humble servitude, punctuated by moments of sublime grace – like the time he deigned to allow a gentle stroke behind the ears.

His followers, a cult of devoted humans, spend their days interpreting the meaning of a twitch, a purr, or the absence thereof. We have deciphered prophecies in the arrangement of his scattered toys, and sought enlightenment in the depths of his green, unblinking eyes.

For in the face of Whiskers, we find a reflection of our own insignificance. He is a stark reminder that the universe does not revolve around us. He is a master of Zen, a creature who lives entirely in the moment, demanding only sustenance, affection, and the unquestioning adoration of his flock.

And so, we bow down before him, offering up tuna and cuddles as sacrifices. We study his every move, seeking wisdom in his languid grace. For in the end, it is not the meaning of life that matters, but the quality of the catnap. And in this, Whiskers is the supreme authority.